Saturday, February 9, 2013

When Challenges Go Unmet

If you are like me, you probably are passionate about a handful of different things. When those things are left undone, it can drain you. This Be My Valentine challenge has done that to me. I was sooo excited to participate. Week one was easy. Week two...not so much. Week three is almost over, and Lord knows I just want to completely throw in the towel.

The challenge for week two was to be creative in our praise. There were so many great ideas in Courtney at WomenLivingWell's post. In fact, there were so many that I wanted to do that I didn't do any. Ugh. I thought about it probably every day for the last two weeks. (This week's challenge was to kiss my hubby like I mean it.) I am a creative type. I LOVE things like this, but two weeks later and still nothing.

I hope I am not alone in this. I have the biggest heart and intentions when it comes to things like this. My husband doesn't even know about the challenge, yet I feel like I have let him down. Which brings me to the fact that I pretty much feel like I am a let down.

I asked my husband last night what he thought my biggest fault was. I really wanted to know. You know what he said? I lack the confidence to pursue my dreams. I tear up every time I think about that. He said it wasn't a really bad thing, but that I have things I want to do but I end up saying it's a stupid idea or I'm not going to do it. He, unfortunately, is right. I would have never thought of it as a lack of confidence. I have always thought of myself as very confident. But there we have it.

Now to the biggest question: how do I change this about myself? I never want to step out of God's will, but oftentimes, I determine that God's will isn't just a natural extension of what I am passionate about. It always seems like I need to do more...be more...or just put a hold on that thought.

If you can relate, please join me in prayer (because really that is the only thing we can do at this point, right?):
Lord, I am so passionate about so many things. I believe you have impressed those things on my heart, but I am unsure of how much of these passions to persue. I want to remain in your will and become balanced (not balanced in the worldly sense, but in your good and perfect way). Help me to dream big. Help me to pursue my dreams in ways that are pleasing in your sight...ways that do not hinder my roles in my home as wife and/or mother. Open and close doors for me. But most of all...help me to have a right view of myself...to see myself as You see me. Help me to not fear being a doer of my passions. Give me discernment so that my passions never become idols. May each of my passions in some way bless your Kingdom. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

So now...the Be My Valentine challenge isn't over. The final week starts on Monday, but I'm not going to worry about it. I am, however, going to make my sweetie's Valentine's Day something special. I'm going to make him a card and a dessert that I am sure he is going to rave over. And hopefully, I will have a sweet gift from my boys to their daddy. I will tell my husband how special he is to me and how much I love him EVERYDAY, not because I'm reminded to by a challenge, but because that is actually just my nature. And sometime after Valentine's day, I'm going to revisit those ideas for creative ways to show my husband praise and love because I will want to do something special throughout the year, and I'm always looking for new ideas. But, for now, I think I'm set for this Valentine's Day.