Friday, September 14, 2012

The Future in Hindsight

The countdown has begun. In seven days, I'm due to have blessing #2 arrive. If you had told me that at 27 I would be a wife and mother to an 18 month old and newborn, I would've laughed. But, here I am. A lot of what I thought about my future life is quite different in reality.

I thought I would teach high school math until I couldn't do it anymore. I quit after a 4 year career to stay home and raise my sons.
I thought my ministry would be in the public school system. Now I plan to homeschool when the boys are school age.
I thought I might get married one day way after I was out on my own. I got married the week after I finished my master's degree and two days before I started my teaching career, going from home with the parents to home with my husband.
I thought I might have one kid tops, and I wanted a girl. God gave me a heart for raising boys, and now I'm about to have two of them.
I thought that if I had a kid, I'd be formula feeding and disposable diapering. I nurse exclusively (my firstborn never did see a bottle) and I use cloth diapers (granted those have come a long way from what I thought they were in the past), and I do both of those for reasons that have nothing to do with saving money...though it's a bonus!)
I thought I had to control everything to make sure things went as smoothly as possible. I've learned that relinquishing control sometimes has the very effect I saught when controlling gave the opposite.

I can say with absolute certainty that I'm more thankful for the reality of my life than for what I thought it would be like when my dreams were ahead of me. I'm not at all the woman I thought I would be. All I know is that I serve a God who has transformed my heart and mind. I'm the happiest I've ever been, and I'm not even sure what is going to happen tomorrow. The days I spend as a stay at home mommie all run together, and I like that just fine. My life seems to be opening up to me for the first time, making each new thing more and more exciting.

And now, I don't worry so much about the future. For a goal-oriented, success driven personality like mine, that's quite a shock. But the present is a much better focus. I can strive to serve God be a good wife be a good mom be a good friend today...and to keep a good home today. I'm not even assured of tomorrow. And I know now that the future, in hindsight, doesn't always look like we planned.

Praying that you have a wonderful day, today!

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